Wow.....I think my BFF Rhonda-Soo said it best tonight: "You always feel better after you barf". I do feel better. So much better. Just to be clear, we are not talking about actual barfing. It was crazy scary to go down the rabbit hole to my deepest darkest most neurotic vulnerabilities and "BLAHHHHHHH" just kind of barf it out there. But now I don't feel bad anymore. I'm still incredulous and confused by what it all meant but, hey, I'll never know what the hell that was all about. I just know it wasn't about me. And now that the toxic sludge has been expelled from my being I am totally over what that poopyhead pulled. More importantly, I started to write.....finally. Who imagined that such an amazing gift could come from such a poopyhead? As you can tell, I have re-discovered the word "poopyhead" and am enjoying it very, very much.

Last evening I went to a family birthday party. My sister approached me immediately having read, not my blog, but all the Facebook fallout around it. I started to remember who is on my FB friends list and the enormity of what I'd done started to dawn on me. It was out there and there was no taking it back. At work today it kind of freaked me out how many of my co-workers had read my deep dark neurotic fears and I started to be apprehensive about how the dynamics might change. But just as I started down that paranoid road I realized that I had touched people. Made them sad. Made them angry. Made them laugh wryly. And most importantly, shared a very personal part of myself with them. So ironic coming from the Queen of TMI but somehow this is different than the run of the mill vagina talk at the lunch table. Connecting at a subterranean level and feeling a depth of support that I hadn't imagined was there was just so comforting. Like a soft blanket straight out of the dryer.

So what is next? I have another "coffee date" planned for Wednesday that had been arranged before poopyhead even came on the scene. So now I will be meeting another soul who is also taking a chance that all that stuff written in the profile is a pile of crap. And this is what it comes down to........a leap of faith. I have so many of these dating stories (poopyhead is just the very tip of that iceberg) that it would not be unreasonable to conclude that the Universe just wants me to stop this foolishness and get myself some more cats. There is a Pollyanna in me, however, that just believes.I keep on believing even when I don't believe, if you know what I mean. I just have to.

So here is the backstory to the coffee date that will take place on Wednesday--assuming everyone shows up, of course. I have been on a number of dating sites, one of which is Dharmamatch--which is supposed to be more for the spiritually inclined types. I get very little communication from Dharmamatch and usually just delete anything from there that ends up on my phone. A couple of weeks ago I got a match.com wink from someone with the screen moniker of "Strongsoul....blah, blah..." I noticed the name at the time though I didn't respond. Then I got an email from Dharmamatch which I looked at, discarded but then noticed that there was another email there from LAST JUNE that I hadn't seen or opened. It was from, you guessed it, Strongsoul....blah, blah.....it was the same guy! I recognized the picture.It was a lovely email. And nothing gets my attention like synchronicity. So we connected and decided to meet for coffee.....this coming Wednesday. Stay tuned!
Seriously?!?